“You stress me out”: What role does stress play in relationships?

By Ashley K. Randall* for The Magis Foundation

  Stress is something that has a negative impact on everyone. Within relationships, stress may be defined as the amount of strain put on the relationship that can have a negative impact on the relationship. A relatively new idea of dyadic stress has been studied by Dr. Guy Bodenmann, a clinical psychology professor at the University of Zurich, Switzerland. Since relationships involve common concerns, emotional intimacy, and communication between partners it only makes sense that stress would involve both partners (dyadic). However, there are different types of stress within relationships.

1.     External versus Internal

a.     External: Stress that comes from outside the relationships. Examples would be: (1) stress at the workplace, (2) financial stress, (3) social stress in the neighborhood, or (4) stress with regard to the extended family including siblings, parents-in-law, and other relatives. 

b.     Internal: Stress that originates within the relationship. Examples would be: (1) conflicts and tensions between partners, (2) habits of one partner that disturb the other, or (3) a lack of compatibility between the partners. 

2.     Macro versus Minor

a.     Macro: Stressors that can be common or common that include critical life events. Examples would be: (1) severe illness, (2) handicap, (3) unemployment, or (4) death of a family member.

b.     Minor. These are ‘everyday’ stressors. Examples would be: (1) being late for an appointment, (2) having a friend call you constantly to talk about their ‘problems’, or (3) stress at work.

3.     Acute versus Chronic

a.     Acute. These stressors tend to be temporary and may only be associated with a single instance. For example, forgetting something at the grocery store.

b.     Chronic. These stressors are stable and can last a long time. For example, having a child that is ill or a partner that is unemployed.

Stress from outside the relationship can easily “spill-over” into the relationship and can cause negative effects. Research has shown that stress within relationships can cause less time spent together, risk for physical and psychological problems (e.g. depression or sexual dysfunction), and poorer communication – with the potential to lead to divorce.

It is extremely important that we recognize the role that stress may have in our relationship. Having open communication with our partners and others will help us to understand where the stress is coming from (external vs. internal) and learn what we can do to help our partner feel understood and supported, which will ultimately lead for increased relationship satisfaction and longevity. 



*About the Author: 

Ashley K. Randall is a doctoral student in Family Studies and Human Development. She received her Master's in Clinical Psychology from North Dakota State University and her B.S. in Psychology from Indiana University. During her Fulbright Fellowship (2007-2008), she spent time examining the role that stress plays on dyadic coping and its effects on romantic relationships. She is one of our EduBlog contributors and an  Executive Board member at The Magis Foundation.

For more information:

Bodenmann, G. (2005). Dyadic coping and its significant for marital functioning.

In T. Revenson, K. Kayser, & G. Bodenmann (Eds.), Couples coping with stress: Emerging perspectives on dyadic coping (pp. 33−50). Washington, D.C.: American Psychological Association.

Randall, A. K., & Bodenmann, G. (2009). The role of stress on close relationships

and marital satisfaction. Clinical Psychology Review, 29, 105-115.