It’s catching.
Like an STD, it spreads quickly, has an awful burning sensation and stays with you log after you’ve treated. It has occasional flare ups that much like Hester Prynne’s Scarlet Letter, it announces to the world how reckless you were in your youth. The harm it causes differs from person to person, but one thing is true for all who have it: it never goes away and the damage is permanent. It strikes the young and old, from your neighbors, your coworkers or your children. It even happens to celebrities from Vanessa Hudgens and Blake Lively and most recently Anthony Weiner.
What’s this new plague spreading around the world? Sexting: the act of taking sexually provocative picture of yourself and sending them out to people on you contact list. And what sector of the population is more at risk? Children and Teenagers.
Children (yes, children) and teenagers are at a higher risk of partaking in this activity, and of suffering a variety of consequences. From public exposure of (and to) intimate images, to depression, anxiety, and cyberbullying, the consequences are harsh regardless of the age.
Children and adolescents, developmentally speaking, are in the process of growing up physically and mentally. Their brains are also developing and processing the immense amount of stimuli they’re exposed to. Television, radio, Internet, video games, cell phones. They are also beginning to deal with the abstract concept of consequences. This means that while they can figure out what’s the danger behind an action, they have yet to fully process that such action could affect them directly. Some parents often complain about their teens not measuring risks and acting without thinking. In pop psychology we often hear the term “Superman Complex”, which is not far off from reality. “That looks like trouble, but it’s not going to happen to me!” is a common train of thought.
In this [digital] day and age, what’s a parent to do?
Parents need to be fully aware of the many challenges in parenting a pre-teen or teenager, especially with the added complexity that technology brings along. Kids and teens can figure their way around a computer, cell phone or piece of technology, they’ve grown with these in the past decades, it seems almost as if they’re natural born programmers!
It is the parents’ duty to protect and guide their children/teens throughout their development, and in this case it is no different than traditional parenting. From a psychological standpoint, there are some very important details to focus on:
1) Boundaries: A parent’s best friends. When it comes to technology, it is up to the parents to decide (together) when, where and how their child will use a computer, video game or mobile device. It is important to make a clear statement of what’s allowed and what is not, and follow through with this plan. After many local reports from teachers and parents of kids and teens who have been showing up in school sleepy, tired or anxious, the common denominator was that those children had access to a personal computer or cell-phone in the privacy of their bedroom.
2) Logic: If it doesn’t make sense, toss it away. I often ask parents the following questions: What is the purpose of your child’s mobile phone? What is the purpose of your child’s personal computer? What are the rules at home? It is not uncommon now a day for kids and teens to enjoy free access to the cyber world from the comfort of their home. Children are now also getting their own cell phones and personal computers, but parents aren’t regulating their use. As you will discover further in this computer, teachers have had to intervene in situations where cell phones were used inappropriately and parents were not aware of the issue. Points for thought: If a cell phone is to be used by the kid in case of an emergency, then why does the child need it at home, where he or she is with the parent(s)? If the computer is to do homework and school research, then why is it accessible for anything else after studying hours? Remember: You’re not their friend, you’re their parent.
3) Are you a negligent parent? ...No? Think again. As you continue reading you will learn about the legal consequences of parental negligence. It may sound exaggerated or shocking, but the truth of the matter is that when a child or teen is exposed to new media and technology, and not supervised, the parent is responsible for this. Keep in mind: if parents provide the technology, they must provide the supervision.
Parental Negligence + Child Pornography: The sad reality of its correlation
Teens have been quite involved with the sexting issue. So much so, that major metropolitan police departments like San Diego and New York have designated the creation of departments to the investigation and prosecution of this crime.
Oh yes. It is a crime and the logic is plain and simple. The sender and the receiver are both participating in the distribution of lewd and pornographic pictures of a minor.
According to Federal Law, (yes Federal… as in go directly to jail and forget about collecting your $200 in this high stakes board game…), sexting falls under the purview of child pornography as it is the visual depiction of a minor through photographs, drawings, cartoons, videos and even computer generated images in a sexually suggestive manner.
While federal laws regarding the dissemination of sexually provocative images of children were initially directed to adults, the myth that minors cannot be held liable for their actions is exactly that, a myth.
A 17 year-old Wisconsin boy is accused of child pornography and sexual exploitation for posting naked pictures of his 16 year old girlfriend. Prosecutors pleaded the case down from a felony to a misdemeanor since the sending and receiving was consensual. In Greenburg, PA, 3 teenage girls who allegedly sent nude or semi-nude cell phone pictures of themselves, and 3 male classmates in a rom the local high school who are identified as the recipients, are charged with child pornography.
Let's turn to Florida where in the case a teen couple lost their appeal in state court to drop pornography charges upon being found guilty after she and her boyfriend took pictures of each other during sexual acts.
The Florida Court of Appeals denied the claim and held that the couple had no expectation of privacy when it came to nude photographs. The court stated that the privacy afforded to those engaging in sexual behavior, photographs signal an intention to keep a record. The minors, by sending the photos to each other shattered the protection of privacy by pressing “send”. Photos such as this have the potential to be shared among third parties therefore was unreasonable for either of them to think that the photos could be private.
Sidebar, when I (Celeste) was a sophomore in college, a vindictive ex-boyfriend of a freshman in my university circulated through emails, a sex tape they had made in high school to practically everyone at our school when she broke up with him. Of course she expected the tape to be kept between them, then again so did Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, Rob Lowe and R Kelly. These videos always have a way of becoming public, no matter the effort to prevent it.
The Florida court further stated that if teenagers have the right to privacy, the state has a compelling and overriding interest to prevent the publication of photos depicting sexual conduct by a child.
Another Florida teen, 18 years old at the time, is now a Registered Sex Offender for sexting with his 16 year-old girlfriend. For the remainder of his life, he will have to explain to admissions representatives, prospective employers and neighbors that he is a sex offender because he failed to exercise good judgment as a teen.
What’s more alarming is a recent study done by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, about 20% of 1,280 of teens polled have taken nude of semi nude photos of themselves and or others and sent them. This 256 teens!
The problem with sexting goes beyond the distribution of sexually provocative photos. Associated problems range from whether the person in the photos was a willing participant, how and to whom the photos were distributed and what if any knowledge parents and school administrators and faculty had of the events in question.
Sexting laws are essentially in their infancy, which is why it is increasingly difficult to situate responsibility and appropriate punishment. These laws are in their infancy and the lack of a clear federal mandate leaves with little of which to create effective measures to prevent, dissuade and adjudicate efficiently.
Felony or Misdemeanor?
Fines, Community service, Therapeutic intervention or Jail Time?
When the law is not clear how to address the issue, how can we expect schools and parents to tackle it themselves. For now though, Texas, New York, and Rhode Island, among others are drafting laws to manage the issue. The doctrine of in loco parentis (in the place of the parent) establishes legal responsibility upon an institution or a person (i.e. teacher) and allows them to act in the best interest of the student as they see fit without violating their civil liberties.
The leading case in regard to the accountability of schools is Tinker v. Des Moines Independent Community School District (1969). The US Supreme Court decided that "conduct by the student, in class or out of it, which for any reason - whether it stems from time, place, or type of behavior - materially disrupts classwork or involves substantial disorder or invasion of the rights of others is, of course, not immunized by the constitutional guarantee of freedom of speech."
In laymen’s terms, if the actions of a student, infringe on another’s civil liberties and/ or cause harm, the school is in its right to act in order to protect the student and remedy the situation.
School administrations are developing guidelines that aides them in the event the event that the sexually provocative media is disseminated while on school grounds, during school hours and/ or using school communication networks. The school is limited by these parameters though, and if unclear or no policy exists, it limits the action they can take to protect students.
California law, in the form of SB919, now allows for school to expel students for sexting. In addition, parents of the affected parties must sometimes ask the school to intercede or provide assistance.
Parents cannot afford to turn a blind eye to this behavior, as they can be held legally responsible. As open minded as they can be about the issue, some courts are not above adjudicating legal responsibility. The state of Texas is close to passing a law that would make parents responsible when their underage youth incurs in sexting.
Yet, with all this being said, not all the consequences of sexting are legal, in the most unfortunate cases we find victims like Hope Witsell, who committed suicide a the age of 13 after the incessant taunting and bullying she was subjected to after she sent topless photos of herself to a boy she liked. Later on these pictures where forwarded to teens who attended their school as well as a neighboring school. Jessica Logan also committed suicide when a vengeful ex forward naked photos to a group of girls who then proceeded to email, text and hurl slurs at Jessica until she reached a psychological breaking point that led to her taking her own life.
The moral of this story is that, as parents and teachers, we need to educate teens about the law and its consequences. Avoid preaching, and try an reach them on a level they can relate to and understand. Schools need to draft comprehensive and detailed guidelines for how to act when situations such as these arise. Ignorance and denial will only cause the epidemic to grow to levels too high to cope with effectively.
Be an active parent, TAKE ACTION!
In the field of education, many of us are tempted to say, at one point or another, “I’ve seen everything”. Even though our children’s attitudes, problems and circumstances may change with the times, technology has opened some unforeseen doors in their lives.
Picture this scenario: you are a parent who has the very healthy habit of scanning your daughter’s cell phone and text messages. You started doing this after detecting some subtle changes in her behavior: the girl started spending more time than usual on the phone; was becoming increasingly aloof; she locks herself in the bathroom for inordinate amounts of time and is sending text messages (also known as “texting” throughout this article) more than is ordinary.
After going over the content of the phone’s text and image depository, you discover that the girl is offering sexual favors to her classmates. She is also exchanging sexually explicit images of herself, and in exchange, her classmates share equally explicit photos of themselves. The girl and the targets of her attention (which include both boys and girls) are under the age of 14. As part of the information uncovered by the father, an encounter of sexual nature is being arranged to occur somewhere in school premises. This makes the situation fall right under the jurisdiction of the teachers and school administrators.
This is not mere speculation. It’s based on fact, and is becoming more and more real in every school and family environments. These are situations which cannot be taken lightly. Teachers and parents are no longer able to look the other way and say “kids will be kids” or “this is part of their experimentation process, as the kids discover their sexuality”. As the adult in charge, having uncovered information about a situation which may put teens in danger, it is now your legal responsibility to bring this to the attention of school authorities and anybody who may be affected by this situation.
When it comes to us teachers, we are forced to take action by the legal principle of “In Loco Parenti” (which translates roughly as “in place of parents”) which roughly stipulates that any student is under our supervision and control from the minute they walk into school grounds, to the minute they leave – even if school hours are over. As much as some teachers may not like to hear this, they are our responsibility as long as they are in school grounds. For instance, any teacher that sees any couple incurring in PDA (physical displays of affection) and looks the other way, is asking for trouble, because said behavior could endanger the safety of the children.
The technology being used to foster the relationship in which two teens become enmeshed in a cyber-bullying or sexting scenario to life may be as simple and available as the cell phone which you – the parents – are paying for. This is the particular situation we will be addressing in this article.
Cell phones, as we all know, do more than provide a tool for phone calls. They give users unlimited access to other people at any time day or night, and the ability to exchange text and images between parties; this, as well as unrivaled and uncensored browsing capabilities which in the hands of very curious youngsters can spell doom. It is the legal opinion of many a media analyst and lawyers that schools and districts which allow students the unsupervised use of cell phones are walking a thin line, because said use implies that a communication line is opened, and sanctioned by the school, between the children and the outside world.
In the “olden days”, any communication between a child and the outside world was controlled, limited and supervised by the school. However, more and more parents are communicating with their children during school hours via their cell phones, posing an issue that is an open and direct challenge to school policies.
If you find improper content in your kid’s text messages, you’ve taken a bold step in discovering a potential problem which your child may be facing. The following are some suggested steps and key situations to have under consideration:
1. Let’s start by focusing the situation adequately. Don’t use euphemisms to cover it! If a boy or girl is sexting another boy or girl, and one of them is more naive about the topics of conversation of said texts, you are dealing with an imbalance of power. It’s not just about sexting alone: your child is being cyber-bullied and dragged by the hairs, to experience a situation that he/she is probably not prepared to face, at this stage of his/her life.
2. Due to privacy issues, schools nowadays are hesitant to facilitate parents with the contact information for other parents. Don’t walk into a school administrator’s office, expecting to be put immediately in touch with the parents of the child who is sexting your child. As long as both children are “okay” with this type of contact, and the messages are exchanged outside school hours, you are dealing with a situation that as a private citizen, you must solve on your own.
Incidentally, the only alternative to obtaining parent contact address from the school, in order to solve this particular scenario, is being enrolled in a school with a published parent directory.
3. The only way that a school will directly interfere and call both set of parents to a meeting is if the child who receives the text messages during school hours explicitly states the following magic words: “I am uncomfortable by the messages that [insert name of classmate here] is sending me”. If the child specifically utters these, your job is easy. The school should proceed to coordinate a meeting between both sets of parents. Otherwise, you have to find a creative way to communicate with the parent(s) of the child who is using technology to harass your child.
4. You should not, under any circumstances, directly interfere with any child other than your own. I cringe when I remember my overzealous grandparents calling the attention of my neighborhood’s bully. Nowadays, don’t even think about it. This can get you in a lot of trouble, because your actions may be misconstrued as harassment and you risk being expelled from school property – should said interference happen in school grounds – and also risk legal retaliations from the parents of the child in question. If this is going to be solved by private citizens, your best option is to have your child facilitate you the address of the child in question.
5. Consider obtaining the advice of a therapist – immediately. You will need it for the child, because it is very likely that your child is hooked on an addictive and toxic relationship which will need counseling to support an effective withdrawal, and for yourself, as you guide your children through the process.
6. Part of said withdrawal process will require that you, as parents, exercise your authority and act firmly. If you decide to confiscate the cell phone or remove the texting option, which are advisable ideas, do so without hesitation. Your child will moan, complain, whine, promise – any behavior which is normally incurred by anybody who is addicted to an outside force. One particular parent reported that, upon being confronted with the text messages, her child threw up in anxiety. But it remains up to you to set and keep firm boundaries.
7. Sexually predatory behavior occurs regardless of age, gender, or sexual inclination. Any teen that preys on another, with the purpose of obtaining or granting sexual favors, is a sexual predator in the making and should be treated as such.
If you are interested in monitoring your children’s cell phone content, here is some practical advice on the topic:
1. Become familiar with your kid’s choice of cell phone. You can no longer afford to say “It’s too technical! Let the kids figure it out!” No! Bad, bad parent!
2. Make sure you learn how to access the text messaging options your child’s cell phone. In particular, focus on the text messages inbox and outbox, as well as the repository of sent messages, drafts and even the images they receive.
3. If you children put passwords to their cell phones, it’s very likely they are hiding something from you. Which they shouldn’t in the first place, because after all, your children and their actions are your legal responsibility. If you find a password, ask them to remove it, and make sure it stays off.
4. As is the case with any parent who is intent in avoiding any unwanted influences in their child, we cannot stress enough the importance of keeping the lines of communication with your child open. The scenario we presented would’ve been completely avoided if the child would’ve had enough trust in his/her parents, to reach out and say “You know, Mom, there’s this girl at school that keeps sending me all this weird stuff? She’s texting me at all times, day and night. It’s freaking me out a little”. End of story.
5. Be firm in setting a schedule for the kids to use the text messages feature. It would be wise, for instance, to limit the use of cell phone text messages to no more than a couple of hours at the end of the day and only after homework is complete.
6. On a particular case we worked with, we found a kid texting approximately 20-30 messages per hour, including school hours. That averages one text message approximately every two minutes. How can a kid send a text message every 2 minutes? Two big factors come under consideration, which send a warning signs to parents. First, this may well be an example of obsessive-
compulsive behavior that needs to be looked into by a mental health practitioner. This is, by no means, a normal scenario and can’t be overlooked as such.
Second, kids don’t even have to be looking at the keypad of their cellphone to text. They know key and finger positions by memory, and without looking. I have seen kids use the keypad while keeping eye-contact with teachers. That’s how good they are. So, don’t expect your child to be too obvious when using the keypad to send text messages.
7. Cell phone companies will no longer easily facilitate you transcripts of text messages upon asking. This used to be the case a few years back, but not anymore. However, they will give you detailed account information which lists who sends & receives the messages, as well as the time and date messages were sent. This information is usually available online, along with all other pertinent account information.
8. In our research, we found freely distributable software which lets you hack directly into cell phones and will even send you copies of every text message sent and received from said cell phones. However, since we have not directly tested this software, we are hesitant to recommend it for use. It would be best to consult directly with your cell phone provider about this situation, as they will surely offer you legal alternatives which are compatible with your hardware.
9. Most - if not all – cell phones will have incorporated commands and options which back up the content of all cell phone text messages to your computer. Consult with your cell phone’s handbook, or your phone service provider for information on how to do this. It’s usually a routine procedure, which requires nothing more technological than hooking up your cell phone with a USB cable to a computer and punching a couple of keys on the phone.
10. In fact, you should definitely back up all incriminating messages and images for future reference. Many a Dean of Discipline will attest to the fact that the first words that come out of a parent’s mouth, when confronted with allegations of sexting, are “my son would never do this”.
We advise and encourage you to keep any information gathered as valuable evidence. You may want to use this to support your case, whether it’s in front of school authorities, any other parents involved or even a court of law.
11. Even if you cancel the texting option of your child cell phone’s contract, as long as your child’s cell phone has Internet access your child can continue to text! There are applications such as “Textfree” which offer free access to texting over the Internet.
12. If you are suspicious of any foul-play against your child, approach the school administration immediately! Every school must have an established protocol to deal with any type of bullying in an affirmative manner. These protocols should be activated the minute any parent registers a complaint stating that their child is in danger. Do not be afraid, and verbalize it this way: “I am concerned because my child is in danger. What can you do about it?”.
One recurring issue we’ve witnessed is parents who are afraid to act because they are afraid of what their children will think of them. These parents have based their relationship with their kids on the easiest possible terms: they become their children’s “buddy”.
You cannot be your son or daughter’s best friend. Either you are a responsible parent or you are a buddy. The price you pay for trying to be your son or daughter’s best friend will be horrendous in time. It is impossible to discipline and be a friend. Some teachers make this same mistake by trying to befriend their students and play the “cool adult”.
Who wants to befriend a teenager? They are called “adolescents” because they lack many things; mainly, sound judgment, self-esteem, loyalty and the ability to tell the truth. You must understand that their brains have yet to develop the capacity to make wise judgments. Their frontal lobes have not even completely formed; therefore, do not expect them to make mature calls on their own. Most parents will not realize that this is not even biologically possible yet!
You, on the other hand, have all the necessary tools to make the best call on discipline situations, and society (as well as schools and the judicial system) will hold you accountable if you do not.
The choice [and responsibility] is yours. ♢
©2011 The Magis Foundation, Inc.
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Meet the authors!
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| Celeste, Jose and Rebecca |
Celeste is an attorney and professor; She is the Vice President of The Magis Foundation and Director of Legal Affairs. She is a graduate of the Elliot School of International Affairs, holding a BA in International Public Health and Latin America, as well as being a Cum Laude Juris Doctor graduate of the Pontifical Catholic University of Puerto Rico School of Law. She has several years of experience working with youth groups, teenagers and schools.
Jose is an Executive Board Member of the Magis Foundation, and Director of New Media and Technology Development. He is currently a technology professor at a local school and has several years of experience working with adolescents and technological developments in education. He holds a bachelor's degree in Natural Sciences and Computer Sciences from Sacred Heart University in Puerto Rico, and is completing his thesis for a Master's in Educational Computing from InterAmerican University in Puerto Rico.
Rebecca is a mental health professional, and the founder and President of The Magis Foundation. She obtained her graduate degree from Loyola University New Orleans, city where she practiced with the post-Hurricane Katrina population. She trained in marriage and family therapy, human development, Play Therapy®, grief, resiliency, crisis management, group therapy, substance abuse, organizational development, and more. She has several years of experience with community service organizations focused on social development, family support, child and adolescent support and personal growth.
