Couple's Corner: Attachment & Jealousy Quizes

Last week the Couple's Corner presented the topic of Attachment and Jealousy, discussing the connection between both subjects and relationship dynamics. This week we present the Attachment Questionnaire and Jealousy Scale. Please take your time to read through the questions and answer them. 

We want couples to get closer by getting to know each other better. If any of these quizes present any conflict between you and your partner, we highly suggest you talk about it,  and consider seeking professional help if necessary. 

ATTACHMENT QUESTIONNAIRE

ECR-Short Form Inventory

Wei, Russell, Mallincrkrodt, & Vogel (2007)

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The following statements concern how you feel in romantic relationships. We are interested in how you generally experience relationships, not just in what is happening in a current relationship. Respond to each statement by indicating how much you agree or disagree with it. Write the number in the space provided, using the following rating scale:

 

1	2	3	4	5	6	7
Disagree Strongly			Neutral/ Mixed			Agree Strongly

 

 ___ 1. It helps to turn to my romantic partner in times of need.

___ 2. I need a lot of reassurance that I am loved by my partner.

___ 3. I want to get close to my partner, but I keep pulling back.

___ 4. I find that my partner(s) don't want to get as close as I would like.

___ 5. I turn to my partner for many things, including comfort and reassurance.

___ 6. My desire to be very close sometimes scares people away.

___ 7. I try to avoid getting too close to my partner.

___ 8. I do not often worry about being abandoned.

___ 9. I usually discuss my problems and concerns with my partner.

___ 10. I get frustrated if romantic partners are not available when I need them.

___ 11. I am nervous when partners get too close to me.

___ 12. I worry that romantic partners won't care about me as much as I care about them. 

(To find out what's your attachment style, click here.)  

JEALOUSY SCALE

In this quiz, scores that are higher indicate higher jealousy – We highly suggest couples to identify these and  talk openly with their partner about the situations, and seek professional help if needed. 

HYPOTHETICAL, JEALOUSY PRODUCING EVENTS SCALE (HJPE)

(Hansen, 1982)

By circling a number, please indicate how you would feel about your mate’s behavior in each of the following hypothetical (imaginary) situations. 

In each case, “1” indicates that you would be extremely pleased with the situation, while “11” indicates that you would be extremely disturbed or bothered by the situation.

1. Your mate has a job which requires him/her to work a normal 40 hours per week. In addition to working these 40 hours per week, your mate feels very committed to his/her job and devotes, on the average, an additional 10 hours per week to work-related activities which require him/her to go back to the office in the evenings and on weekends. Your mate does not received extra pay for these activities.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

2. Your mate enjoys a personal hobby such as painting, photography, etc., and devotes a large proportion of his/her leisure time (approximately 15 hours per week) to its pursuit. This hobby is one you do not share with your mate so he/she engages in it alone. (The hobby does not impose a financial burden).

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

3. You and your mate have just had a baby. Your mate is very devoted to the child and concerned about its welfare. As a result of this devotion and concern, your mate devotes nearly all of his/her free time to playing with and taking care of the child, which ahs drastically reduced the amount of time you and your mate have for doing things alone with each other.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

4. Your mate regularly enjoys playing cards or other times of games with his/her same-sex friends. Your mate’s “night with the boys/girls” occurs about once a week.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

5. Your mate has become good friends with a co-worker of the opposite sex who you do not know very well. Your mate and his/her friend enjoy having lunch together, discussing their respective lives, and providing each other emotional support. (Their relationship does not have a sexual component.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

6. You and your mate live in the same town as his/her parents and siblings. Your mate has set aside Sunday afternoons for doing things (e.g. going fishing, playing golf, visiting) with his/her family members. You do not participate with your mate in these activities with his/her family.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

       7. Your mate returns from a business trip to a different city and informs you that he/she met a

       member of the opposite sex that he/she found very physically attractive. They ended up engaging in 

       sexual relations. Your mate informs you that their relationship was purely physical (not emotional)

       and that they will never be seeing each other again.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

8. Your mate has developed an ongoing emotional and sexual relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Your mate receives a high degree of satisfaction from this relationship and plans to continue it. Both you and your mate have been happy and pleased with your own relationship. Your mate views his/her outside relationship as a supplement to, not a substitute for, the relationship between the two of you.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

For further inquiries, please e-mail us at: info@magisfoundation.org 

©2011 The Magis Foundation

“You stress me out”: What role does stress play in relationships?

By Ashley K. Randall* for The Magis Foundation

  Stress is something that has a negative impact on everyone. Within relationships, stress may be defined as the amount of strain put on the relationship that can have a negative impact on the relationship. A relatively new idea of dyadic stress has been studied by Dr. Guy Bodenmann, a clinical psychology professor at the University of Zurich, Switzerland. Since relationships involve common concerns, emotional intimacy, and communication between partners it only makes sense that stress would involve both partners (dyadic). However, there are different types of stress within relationships.

1.     External versus Internal

a.     External: Stress that comes from outside the relationships. Examples would be: (1) stress at the workplace, (2) financial stress, (3) social stress in the neighborhood, or (4) stress with regard to the extended family including siblings, parents-in-law, and other relatives. 

b.     Internal: Stress that originates within the relationship. Examples would be: (1) conflicts and tensions between partners, (2) habits of one partner that disturb the other, or (3) a lack of compatibility between the partners. 

2.     Macro versus Minor

a.     Macro: Stressors that can be common or common that include critical life events. Examples would be: (1) severe illness, (2) handicap, (3) unemployment, or (4) death of a family member.

b.     Minor. These are ‘everyday’ stressors. Examples would be: (1) being late for an appointment, (2) having a friend call you constantly to talk about their ‘problems’, or (3) stress at work.

3.     Acute versus Chronic

a.     Acute. These stressors tend to be temporary and may only be associated with a single instance. For example, forgetting something at the grocery store.

b.     Chronic. These stressors are stable and can last a long time. For example, having a child that is ill or a partner that is unemployed.

Stress from outside the relationship can easily “spill-over” into the relationship and can cause negative effects. Research has shown that stress within relationships can cause less time spent together, risk for physical and psychological problems (e.g. depression or sexual dysfunction), and poorer communication – with the potential to lead to divorce.

It is extremely important that we recognize the role that stress may have in our relationship. Having open communication with our partners and others will help us to understand where the stress is coming from (external vs. internal) and learn what we can do to help our partner feel understood and supported, which will ultimately lead for increased relationship satisfaction and longevity. 



*About the Author: 

Ashley K. Randall is a doctoral student in Family Studies and Human Development. She received her Master's in Clinical Psychology from North Dakota State University and her B.S. in Psychology from Indiana University. During her Fulbright Fellowship (2007-2008), she spent time examining the role that stress plays on dyadic coping and its effects on romantic relationships. She is one of our EduBlog contributors and an  Executive Board member at The Magis Foundation.

For more information:

Bodenmann, G. (2005). Dyadic coping and its significant for marital functioning.

In T. Revenson, K. Kayser, & G. Bodenmann (Eds.), Couples coping with stress: Emerging perspectives on dyadic coping (pp. 33−50). Washington, D.C.: American Psychological Association.

Randall, A. K., & Bodenmann, G. (2009). The role of stress on close relationships

and marital satisfaction. Clinical Psychology Review, 29, 105-115.