Couple's Corner: Attachment & Jealousy Quizes

Last week the Couple's Corner presented the topic of Attachment and Jealousy, discussing the connection between both subjects and relationship dynamics. This week we present the Attachment Questionnaire and Jealousy Scale. Please take your time to read through the questions and answer them. 

We want couples to get closer by getting to know each other better. If any of these quizes present any conflict between you and your partner, we highly suggest you talk about it,  and consider seeking professional help if necessary. 

ATTACHMENT QUESTIONNAIRE

ECR-Short Form Inventory

Wei, Russell, Mallincrkrodt, & Vogel (2007)

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The following statements concern how you feel in romantic relationships. We are interested in how you generally experience relationships, not just in what is happening in a current relationship. Respond to each statement by indicating how much you agree or disagree with it. Write the number in the space provided, using the following rating scale:

 

1	2	3	4	5	6	7
Disagree Strongly			Neutral/ Mixed			Agree Strongly

 

 ___ 1. It helps to turn to my romantic partner in times of need.

___ 2. I need a lot of reassurance that I am loved by my partner.

___ 3. I want to get close to my partner, but I keep pulling back.

___ 4. I find that my partner(s) don't want to get as close as I would like.

___ 5. I turn to my partner for many things, including comfort and reassurance.

___ 6. My desire to be very close sometimes scares people away.

___ 7. I try to avoid getting too close to my partner.

___ 8. I do not often worry about being abandoned.

___ 9. I usually discuss my problems and concerns with my partner.

___ 10. I get frustrated if romantic partners are not available when I need them.

___ 11. I am nervous when partners get too close to me.

___ 12. I worry that romantic partners won't care about me as much as I care about them. 

(To find out what's your attachment style, click here.)  

JEALOUSY SCALE

In this quiz, scores that are higher indicate higher jealousy – We highly suggest couples to identify these and  talk openly with their partner about the situations, and seek professional help if needed. 

HYPOTHETICAL, JEALOUSY PRODUCING EVENTS SCALE (HJPE)

(Hansen, 1982)

By circling a number, please indicate how you would feel about your mate’s behavior in each of the following hypothetical (imaginary) situations. 

In each case, “1” indicates that you would be extremely pleased with the situation, while “11” indicates that you would be extremely disturbed or bothered by the situation.

1. Your mate has a job which requires him/her to work a normal 40 hours per week. In addition to working these 40 hours per week, your mate feels very committed to his/her job and devotes, on the average, an additional 10 hours per week to work-related activities which require him/her to go back to the office in the evenings and on weekends. Your mate does not received extra pay for these activities.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

2. Your mate enjoys a personal hobby such as painting, photography, etc., and devotes a large proportion of his/her leisure time (approximately 15 hours per week) to its pursuit. This hobby is one you do not share with your mate so he/she engages in it alone. (The hobby does not impose a financial burden).

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

3. You and your mate have just had a baby. Your mate is very devoted to the child and concerned about its welfare. As a result of this devotion and concern, your mate devotes nearly all of his/her free time to playing with and taking care of the child, which ahs drastically reduced the amount of time you and your mate have for doing things alone with each other.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

4. Your mate regularly enjoys playing cards or other times of games with his/her same-sex friends. Your mate’s “night with the boys/girls” occurs about once a week.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

5. Your mate has become good friends with a co-worker of the opposite sex who you do not know very well. Your mate and his/her friend enjoy having lunch together, discussing their respective lives, and providing each other emotional support. (Their relationship does not have a sexual component.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

6. You and your mate live in the same town as his/her parents and siblings. Your mate has set aside Sunday afternoons for doing things (e.g. going fishing, playing golf, visiting) with his/her family members. You do not participate with your mate in these activities with his/her family.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

       7. Your mate returns from a business trip to a different city and informs you that he/she met a

       member of the opposite sex that he/she found very physically attractive. They ended up engaging in 

       sexual relations. Your mate informs you that their relationship was purely physical (not emotional)

       and that they will never be seeing each other again.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

8. Your mate has developed an ongoing emotional and sexual relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Your mate receives a high degree of satisfaction from this relationship and plans to continue it. Both you and your mate have been happy and pleased with your own relationship. Your mate views his/her outside relationship as a supplement to, not a substitute for, the relationship between the two of you.

1          2         3        4        5        6        7        8        9        10          11

For further inquiries, please e-mail us at: info@magisfoundation.org 

©2011 The Magis Foundation

"How attached are you?": Understanding how attachment may play a role in your relationship.

By Ashley K. Randall for The Magis Foundation

  ATTACHMENT

Humans are a social species with inborn propensities to affiliate with others.  The attachment system serves such affiliation goals by motivating seeking and bonding activities with significant others, particularly under times of stress.  Early experiences with significant others, and particularly the primary caregiver, are thought to shape how individuals act in relationships and respond to relationship cues.  

Types of Attachment in Children

1.  Securely attached children:  characterized as having stable and positive emotional bonds and were observed as being upset when their mother left, but they were quick to greet her upon her return.

2. Insecurely attached infants:  characterized as having an anxious emotional bond. Although the infants exhibited considerable distress when the mother left the room, they seemed to be minimally comforted by her return. The dual pattern of high levels of separation distress along with relatively little comfort in reunion is thought to reflect a hyperactivated attachment system that simply cannot be easily assuaged regardless of the behaviors of the caregiver.

3. Nonattached infants:  appeared to be relatively indifferent to separation and reunion with the caregiver. Indeed, their behavior suggested a lack of emotional reaction – either anxiety-related or comfort-related – in relation to the caregiver.

The same types of attachment styles found in children have been conceptualized to explain adult romantic relationships. For example, anxiously attached individuals reported that they needed consistent reassurance from their romantic partners, whereas avoidantly-attached individuals reported that they sought some distance from their romantic partners.

Types of Attachment in Adults

For more information: http://internal.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm

Working Models of Attachment

Attachment styles are associated with distinct, almost unconscious processes, defined in terms of working models. The activation of working models is thought to guide social information processing, emotional reactions to interpersonal threats and rewards, and (ultimately) behavior throughout one’s lifetime.  The working models help create a ‘map’ of how not only one views themselves (in terms of relationships), but how they view others.

(1) Secure: emphasize the worth of self and other and relationships (e.g., “I like

intimacy”).

(2) Anxiously-attached: emphasize the uncertainty of reinforcement from others (e.g., “I like, but fear, intimacy”).

(3) Avoidantly-attached: emphasize fear of commitment (e.g., “I fear others”).

How do internal working models affect my everyday life (Collins, 1996)?

Internal working models of attachment affect the intensity an individual’s experience of relationship related threats. Relationship related threats, such as the possibility of the partner developing a romantic interest in another person, may yield feelings of jealousy, and this may in turn lead to some type of behavioral response (e.g. checking their facebook page, asking who they talked to during the day, wanting to know where they were, etc.)

Research

Mikulincer (1997) has shown that secure individuals seem to be open to new information, particularly in relation to close relationships. Secure individuals also seem to be more confident in dealing with possible threats to their relationships. Anxiously-ambivalent individuals seem to be open to new information, but are not confident in dealing with possible threats to their relationships. Finally, avoidantly-attached individuals seem to adopt an avoidant mode of dealing with social information by displaying intolerance of ambiguity.

  JEALOUSY

Early experiences with significant others—particularly with the primary caregiver—are thought to shape the dynamics of the attachment system and in turn are thought to be responsible for interpreting things such as jealousy. It is a powerful and painful emotion that can have detrimental effects on romantic relationships.

Attachment and Jealousy

Feelings of jealousy are a result of a real or imagined threat to the relationship. Attachment and jealousy are similar in three ways, (1) both function to maintain close relationships, (2) are triggered by threats to one’s relationships which elicit feelings of fear, anger and sadness, and (3) are governed by mental models of close relationships.

Jealousy can happen in 2 forms:

1. Cognitive: arises from a partner’s worries and doubts regarding imagined situations

where their partner is going to leave them.

2. Emotional:  occurs in reaction to cognitive appraise on the situation and can elicit

feeling such as anger, blame, fear, and insecurity.

Research

Anxious-ambivalent individuals are more likely to experience jealousy as compared to secure or avoidant individuals. Specifically, avoidant individuals were more likely to express anger and less likely to dwell on the threatening situations. Conversely, anxious-ambivalent individuals were more likely to dwell on their feelings of sadness and fear and resisted expressing anger. Secure individuals were more likely express their anger but did so in a way to preserve their relationship.

Implications

Research suggests there is a link between jealousy, attachment, and relationship related behaviors. Linked to unstable emotions, insecure attachments may lead to negative relationship behavior such as stalking and violence through contempt, belligerence, and domineering. The unconscious process of attachment (internal working models) may be a good source of explaining jealousy and related relationship behavior. ■

REFERENCES

Ainsworth, M. D. S. (1967). Infancy in Uganda: Infant care and the growth of love..

Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press

Babcock, J. C., Jacobson, N. S., Gottman, J. M., & Yerington, T. P. (2000). Attachment,

emotional regulation, and the function of marital violence: Differences between secure, preoccupied, and dismissing violent and nonviolent husbands. Journal of Family Violence, 15, 391–409.

Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Clinical applications of attachment theory, London:

Routledge.

Collins, N.L. (1996). Working Models of Attachment: Implications for Explanation,

Emotion and Behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71(4), 810-832.

Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. R. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 511-524.

Mikulincer, M. (1997). Adult attachment style and information processing: Individual

differences in curiosity and cognitive closure. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72, 1217–1230.

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2003). The attachment behavioral system in adulthood:

Activation, psychodynamics, and interpersonal processes. In M. P. Zanna (Ed.), Advances in Experimental Social Psychology (Vol. 35, pp. 53-152). New York: Academic Press.

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2005). Attachment theory and emotions in close relationships:

Exploring the attachment-related dynamics of emotional reactions to relational events. Personal Relationships, 12, 149-168.           

Sharpsteen, D. J., & Kirkpatrick, L. A. (1997). Romantic jealousy and adult romantic attachment.

Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72, 627-640.,

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About the Author: 

Ashley K. Randall is  currently a doctoral student at the University of Arizona's Family Studies and Human Development program. She received her Master's in Clinical Psychology from North Dakota State University and her B.S. in Psychology from Indiana University. During her Fulbright Fellowship (2007-2008), she spent time examining the role that stress plays on dyadic coping and its effects on romantic relationships.  Her focus is on romantic relationships and understanding the complex linkage of emotions between partners. 

At  The Magis Foundation she is the Couple's Corner Program Director and also an Executive Board member.

©2011 The Magis Foundation